Hello, my cuties!
I think it’s finally time to brush the dust off this ol’ newsletter and bring her back to life. Welcome back to, what I like to call, my Written Artistic Practice. So get ready to gobble and swallow, babe.
Over the next few weeks, I want to try something a little new with HBLB. Since I have been spending so much of my time avoiding my feelings by watching movies at a totally not alarming rate, I wanted to share with you some of my faves. So I’ll be curating what I believe to be perfect double features.
These pairings are not random. They are, in my mind, ideal companion texts. And though I will not require it of you, I highly encourage you to watch these films together for the fullest experience.
To kick us off, I have a double feature that I’ve been dreaming about for years. I believe there are only two truly feminist movies in the history of cinema. And these are them.
Jeanne Dielman, 23 Commerce Quay, 1080 Brussels and Magic Mike XXL.
HIGHBROW
So, I have to start with this: Jeanne Dielman is a 3 hour and 21 minute movie. And I know that’s definitely gonna be a no from some of you dawgs. But hear me out: if you can make it through the first 3 hours and 15-ish minutes, you will be rewarded with the most perfect, most satisfying ending in cinema history.
As someone who once felt she had to ingratiate herself with the Art Boys Who Strive To Look Like This Specific Gif of Jean-Pierre Léaud™, I had to learn how to make myself watch movies that I didn’t think I could sit through (I’m just not a ho for The Maltese Falcon, despite being a ho for Humphrey Bogart). So here are my Jeanne Dielman preparedness guide:
Accept the fact that you will be taking a passive pose for 4 hours. Eat a real meal beforehand. And a real meal is actually not just two Larabars and an oat milk cappuccino.
Don’t feel like you have to think extra hard to understand the movie. Just take it in.
You will not be stimulated. Sorry. But this is because you won’t be watching a movie, but rather, stepping into a woman’s very mundane, very quiet life. And that’s exactly what makes the film work.
This movie, in brief, follows the daily life of a middle-aged widow in 1970s Belgium. She cooks, she cleans, she bathes, she goes out to buy meat for that night’s dinner. It’s suffocating. There is no light behind Jeanne's eyes. She is woman as vessel. The film takes every fear I have about being an adult woman—essentially, being so beholden to an expectation that you forget your life is your own—and focuses exclusively on it. Who knew one of the most harrowing moments of my life would be watching a grown woman peel potatoes for an unedited 3 minutes?
You can stream Jeanne Dielman, 23 Commerce Quay, 1080 Brussels on Criterion Channel and Kanopy, or you can rent it on Prime. I’ve also heard that someone uploaded the full movie to YouTube? But don’t ask me, I know nothing about that.
LOWBROW
If Jeanne Dielman is the perfect distillation of women in pain, Magic Mike XXL is the perfect distillation of women in ecstasy. And not even for sex reasons.
For a movie all about male-revue-style stripping, sex is like the least relevant part of MMXXL. Yes, it’s all sex-adjacent, but what really rocks my socks off is all the ways these men make simping their life’s work. Channing Tatum effortlessly flipping a woman onto his face? Breathtaking. Joe Manganiello channeling his dick through water-bottle-based prop work? Gorgeous. Donald Glover monologuing about how strippers are healers? Literally ushered a major breakthrough in my Personal Growth Journey. Absolutely solid simp vibes.
MMXXL is PACKED with talent. But the crown jewel of the film isn’t Channing or Joe or Donald. It isn’t Michael Strahan playing a stripper or Amber Heard playing a hot photographer. It isn’t even Andie McDowell just merely being present. Because if you cast THE Jada Pinkett-Smith in your movie? She’s your main character. I don’t care if she shows up in like only 3 scenes. You put Jada Pinkett-Smith in a fedora and an all-White suit—that’s a protagonist.
The plot of the film is literally so nothing. It’s essentially a road trip/get the gang back together movie. But what kind of psycho watches Magic Mike for the plot? You won’t even care how little story there is, because you get two uninterrupted hours of himbos exalting every woman they come across. And I’d take that over plot ANY day.
You can rent Magic Mike XXL most places, including Prime and YouTube.
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There she is, folks. Double feature #1. I can’t promise that these will come to you weekly, but I can say that I’m super excited to share more of these pairings with you. Just wait till we get to Halloween time… it MAight get crazy!
If you end up watching these movies as a double feature, let me know! You can pop a comment on the website or tweet me or respond to the email version of the newsletter or whatevs. I want to hear how y’all feel about this stuff too!
See you in the next issue!